'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
