WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
