there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
