So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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