mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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