Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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