if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
