Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
