So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
