Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
