Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
