We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
