then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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