She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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