that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
