If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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