I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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