can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize