We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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