he shaved USA in his pubs
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
