I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
