Please, let me fuck your mom
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
