just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize