trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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