Im at strip club and am horny
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
