i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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