i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
