wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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