i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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