just tell him i said nine months
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
