I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
