idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
