put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
