Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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