I think my fart just growled at me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
