There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
