you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
