his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
BRING THE BAGELS
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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