Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
