My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
