You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
