i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
