Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
We smell like vodka and hangover
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