ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
