It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
