I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
did i just pee glitter
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
