She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
