All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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