Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
