I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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