you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
