yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
