he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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