After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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