i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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