We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Someone signed my nipple.
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