I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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