hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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