Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How external is "for external use only"?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
